Thank you for taking the time reading this blog.
I am afraid that this is the last time I talk about my past (or relate my writing to my past).
That side of me, no longer exists. Talking and bringing up something that I now give light and awareness to, (I feel) only gives darkness it’s power. Plus, there’s plenty of write ups out there about me. Where anyone can find out about parts of my life.
Never ignore the darkness
For me, it was in facing the darkness that I could bring light and positivity to it.
How did I bring light to my despair?
Facing my own darkness, loneliness and despair. For myself, it was there. Dark, emptiness was sitting behind many things. It was my emotions, my behaviours.. It didn’t just go. Disappear like a magic trick. It kept creeping back over and over, like Groundhog Day (the film) in my body and life. And, just like Bill Murray (in the movie mentioned above) I wondered. If I kept learning and practising how to leave the darkness, by working with it (not against it). Would that help me leave my own Groundhog Day?
Perceptions to this darkness, can change.
It is documented, changing our perceptions to circumstances can change opinions on the life around us. It doesn’t mean that our journeys are the same. Every journey is different. Your journey is different to mine, and mine to yours. How we see it, may be different. And that’s ok.
It’s ok, not to be ok. Is it time to listen to it and give yourself some love?
Being aware and learning to let the feeling in, feel the feeling (then letting it go) became my beacon. Just to understand it, listen to it. Like a child not being listened to. And sometimes, it clouded my head (and judgement), yet, equally aided my learning (and steps) forward in this journey called life.
Suppression of my feelings (which had been etched in memories), had been held in my body (including muscles). Suppressed anger is never easy. However, it built up, and became uncontrollable. Which has lead to letting the feeling come and go (Ebbing and flowing) like a river, while I learned different approaches to healing my feeling.
It did not mean I did not react. Sometimes, I reacted the same (yet be aware), sometimes I reacted (and not realise), sometimes I just paused (then communicate differently), or sometimes I needed a little more time to process things.
Non the less, life started to shift. I saw hope, I walked away from hurt (or communicated to it differently), stopped replying or getting involved with hurtful comments and became grateful.
This makes me think of when I write about my journey (in parts), it may seem like there is no darkness, or no pain to be seen. That the ‘letting go’ was miraculously, easy.
It’s was not. Rewarding yes.
Yet, it’s in the past. And the past no longer exists.
The change in perception has lead me back to positivity. The joys of life.
Mine has had me even question my own sanity. However, in that journey, the low times have gotten easier.
Something I need to get out is this… The talking about it, reading about it, writing about it. Gave power to my old fears of rejection, abandonment, lack and pressure (even though less so). I was keeping the darkness going. Coming and going, coming and going. With highs and crashing lows.
I spoke and wrote about it, because I knew people related to this, yet at what cost? My own mental and physical health.
Here I am. I feel wealthy in life, stronger than ever, happiest living in the present moment, relationships are growing, knowledge expanding, health rising, family flourishing. My new life, with a changed perception.
Gone are self destruct, burnout, putting pressure on myself, not deal with my personal feelings, chasing people, time and money. Swapping old notions for a new ones.
The mornings are filled with music before school and dancing. The house is filled with fresh food. Plus reading and meditation before bedtime are a must!
Running away was not an option
Instead of pushing it backed, rushing around, and hustling, angry at myself (and everyone else). I decided to face it. Journal it, seek help while doing it and trust my own gut instinct.
The biggest learning…
I am the creator of my own life. The past had gone, the present is now, and the future is a gift (that isn’t even here yet).
I started to leave the past. First realising I was no longer that person from way back when (when I was slimmer). Instead opting for a new version of myself in the future. Not revisiting the same old patterns, and beliefs around health.
Truth is, the brain does not know the difference from reality and fiction. Well documented in psychology and neuroscience.
If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always got – Henry Ford
All I know, letting go, surrendering to life, has healed my own thoughts to reveal I am the writer of my life. Changing your perception allows for new neurological pathways (change our thoughts to positive ones more often) to be created.
Love to hear your thoughts on this.
Future blogs will be about how you reconnect with your time, body and personal wealth.
Trina – The Alternative Personal Trainer
Join the community
Sources of Inspiration
1. Does the brain distinguish real from imaginary? By Dr David Hamilton – https://drdavidhamilton.com/does-your-brain-distinguish-real-from-imaginary/
2. Gratitude – https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-appreciation/
3. Letting Go Pathway To Surrender By David R. Hawkins MD- https://www.amazon.co.uk/Letting-Surrender-M-D-David-Hawkins/dp/1401945015