This is the illusion behind being carefree with a ‘do what I like’ and ‘when I like’ attitude.
All while being on self destruct
- The drinking
- The partying
- The late nights… more early mornings
- The overindulging
- Gate-crashing houses
And yes, while running a pretty successful business and looking the picture of wellness as a personal trainer.
The narrative ‘I want to drink’ comes up as a reminder of… look what you had
Not seeing, that I was hiding my emotions, the guilt, the shame and lots of blame. I did those things and to be honest, I am human for thinking life was supposed to be this way. I grew up in a household where drink is life.
However, I desired something different. I desired for more energy, I desired to not always be tired, I desired for adventure and not to cover my emotions.
The day came where I had to take responsibility and look at who I am
While I lived a life of parties and exercise… my body started to complain in the only way she knew.
With a BIG panic attack at a friends party… 2 years ago exactly today
The drinking (and some drugs) took it’s toll and my body cried like an animal…
That was the choice… no more drinking or drugs. NO MORE.
With the champagne breakfasts long gone (and while I no longer visit the AA). I found a life of richness and nature
I found the existence in smiles and love…
To face rather than run from my problems…
Do I feel angry sometimes? Yes!
Do I get lonely? Yes!
I choose to FEEL, all the FEELS!
You have to remind yourself of your gains…
Easier to get up in the mornings
Get more done
Would I go back?
I get asked a lot…
No! It’s an illusion… a false identity.
I’ve surfed, I’ve climbed, I’ve reconnected and I’ve leaned into loving me and others
The reminder to me, is that my identity is still carefree, my identity has her health, my identity looks after her needs and that of other female entrepreneurs, speakers, coaches and leaders.
At some point we have to let go of many aspects of our lives and recognise that we are ALWAYS learning, that our narrative WILL say… but the grass is greener and yet, many of us KNOW… just how powerful life is without.
Happy 2 years sober to me!
Are you are on a alcohol free journey or thinking of taking that leap?