Recently my journey has been quite lonely. Yet, I stay true to myself.
I have been afraid to stand up for what I believe in, yet, as I stand in my truth I know some people will drift away and others will resonate.
I am prepared to not fit in
For many years I have always fitted in. Yes sir, no sir.
I have been afraid to speak up when I felt something was wrong. I was terrified of other people feeling they know more than me, so I must trust them.
Yet, as I was lied to over and over again. I learned to keep trusting to keep listening and nodding.
However, the more I nodded the more unhappy I have become.
And as I started to speak, I started to have nightmares.
I had nights where I was crying ‘I feel they are going to kick my head in.’ and ‘I feel I am going to be attacked.’
So, I sank back. Froze and stopped speaking.
And instead, my body took the brunt. My periods became erratic and so did my moods. I became depressed holding onto how I felt.
I want to be true to myself.
I want to stop pleasing everyone
I want to speak my truth
I am opening myself
I am healing
I am letting go of this feeling
The body talks
From a physical point of view, my throat was sore, my eating habits changed, my chest was tight and I had headaches.
And as I started to let it out. I could feel the panic and paranoia rise within me. Self-care has definitely needed to be a priority.
And it hasn’t been easy.
I have felt my body freeze, something I am slowly working through by accepting a big need to comfort myself as I take these steps forward slowly.
It is OK to access your basic needs
What do I need during this time? To feel safe and loved.
There are a few ways I help myself feel safe as I am starting to speak out…
- Switch off the noise – Switch off social media channels, the news and anything else where we feel a sense of panic, hystria or anything else that doesn’t align with you or your families deeper intuitive values.
- Create a sense of safety – For me, I have been learning to create safety around me. surrounding myself with likeminded people, people who project love and strengthening relationships with those we love.
- Remind myself I cannot control what is outside of me – As much as I would love to change the world. I find it is a very quick path to becoming ungrounded. I start to bubble up with anger inside. Yet, I cannot control what decisions are made in the world. What we can do is control how we react? I can also choose to express how I feel in my writing, speaking and learning. Yet, also keep inputting lot’s of love and care.
I am human and healing
It is OK to not force myself forward, it is OK to take small steps. It is OK that as I speak it brings up the need for validation. This means (for me) it is a prime time for love, devotion and to switch off from much of social media.
Validation for me, see’s my rise in seeking to be heard and understood.
However, as I face my need for validation. I am faced with the need to validate myself, listen to inner calling and understand myself.
Are you speaking your truth? How has this felt for you?
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