I love the cold but I hate feeling cold…
Recently, I have wanted to keep myself safe and warm.
We have no heaters and are surviving with radiators. This is such a first-world problem living in a nice home.
I am going through a growth spurt in all areas of my life and I have this need to feel safe.
- Either curling up into a ball
- Staying in a warm bed (like now as I type this)
- Needing light (it’s dark mornings here)
No wonder many of us feel SADs… seasonal affective disorder.
So I take myself off to the dining room with my radiator and start working. I can’t go anywhere in the house because I get a rise in a familiar feeling. That feeling of dread.
But, I love the warmth and crave more of it.
Learning our level of basic need
I was asked by a beautiful friend to go open water swimming during this time. Now, I love open water swimming in my skins bikini and I’d happily go naked. However, because of all this growth. I felt some kind of resistance to the cold. My basic need of safety has been nudged.
I asked… How cold is it?
C: 4 degrees
Me: (sensing dread) Ok, this is the coldest I’ve been in… (sh!t scared).
I have heard the stories of if it goes wrong I will die etc. Yet at the same time was the voice… ‘you have done this for years (even in winter), you know the drill, get in slowly and do not forget your breathing meditation.’
Since this bigger growth path began (end of last year), I have started really dodging the cold. Any excuse NOT to go outside, to NOT be chilly or even slightly cooler is felt.
That basic need of feeling safe, feeling safe is thick soft blankets, comfort food, fluffy socks and locking myself away from the world. It even includes not writing on schedule (although I still jot ideas), not working, not filming, not studying, not doing anything.
Yet, it is vital for a decent self-care routine that we do this, but it is balanced as we grow.
If we do not exercise the needs of love and safety our body can be in a constant state of stress… impacting our lowest level physiological needs such as food and water intake, gut reactions and so forth.
So, I said yes, as I sensed I had been wrapped up warm for a little too long. I even started saying invisible goodbyes, something I do when I go on a plane or do something that I feel I won’t come back from. A deep sense of anxiety over death. To be honest I need to hug and look at people like that more often… noted.
The meet up… and the dip
We went to a gorgeous secluded spot and stripped down. I just knew I was going to be safe intuitively. The connection to myself is greater than ever recently.
I got in VERY slowly, big by bit. It wasn’t as bad as I thought… it wasn’t hurting. Was it cold? Yes. But I didn’t feel pain. I walked in further, up to my hips and waited while breathing. I move a little further, just under my chest and knew it was my hearts turn. Shit.
Then I heard…
‘Get in fully.’
Something I never do is get in fully.
Yet, it just felt right.
I splashed some water over my chest.
Then we… yes the royal we (meaning me) was ready.
And in I went ALL IN.
Followed by an instant rush of excitement from my body. With an energy rise out of my mouth…
YEEEEESSSSSS!
WOOOOHOOOOO!!!
(Yes birds flew on that day)
It was the most exhilarating feeling I felt. I felt safe to swim, and I did for a minute.
But then suddenly…
Mind – Oh no
Body… shaking
PNS (Peripheral nervous system)- set and triggered
Feeling unsafe and ready to panic
I tried to breathe slowly… Ok, that didn’t work this time.
I just instantly knew it was time to get out, so I listened (told everyone) and got out.
As I dried, I felt the rush of endorphins, shocks and all the feels from this experience.
Feeling ALL the feelings I have been put off from feeling…
Face to face with our vulnerability
If I die, I die happy… this is something I remember telling my husband as I trotted off in a bikini and a surf board in tow as a big storm was hitting the Welsh coast.
And this is how I help my clients (who are ready) to stop juggling everything and feel into their fears.
Disclaimer – I’m not telling my clients or whoever reads this to go open water swimming in the cold or surf in big stormy seas… no. Those are your choices.
It is to understand our fears (and also excitements) can bring up the same feelings, whether we are working with a smaller or a bigger goal we set for ourselves.
Have you ever gotten excited about embarking on a new business growth project? Maybe you are ready to speak on stage, on camera, create a program or climb to new heights in health, life or business.
It can be terribly exciting! Yes!
It’s NEW
The ‘let’s do this!’ excitement
Then as the days and weeks progress a sense of panic sets in, maybe we feel procrastination… shit time is getting closer.
But, we take those small steps, we get in a little deeper every time we feel comfortable, we start the embody the task, we can even take time to breathe and feel into any pitfalls… because we know and trust when is the right time to get out of the water.
We can feel this, we know this and our body alerts us. Our intuition is our guide as we learn to feel uncomfortable with being comfortable because you have truly got this.
Have you felt uncomfortable with being comfortable recently?
Trina xx
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Trina Kavanagh - Writer | Creative | Healer 