How do you feel about FOMO? Do you feel it too?
Years ago (before I stopped drinking) I’d be the last to bed, the last out of someone’s house and the last to leave a party. I NEVER wanted to miss out.
These situations would end up with either people telling me to leave or looking at each other thinking… just when is she going to go.
FOMO for me seemed great but it was actually crippling.
It meant I was always envious of others, switched on 24/7 wondering what someone is thinking or going to say about me if I left. I didn’t want to miss a thing. And I sometimes get this now… more with being online than in person.
Yet, I have to be super aware of it. Hence, I may look at a message and not reply straight away. Not because I am ignoring, I have just reminded myself that I am not supposed to be online and I take myself away for my own mental health.
I do not do things 24/7 anymore
If you need someone to answer a call after midnight, I am not your coach. I am the coach that teaches patience. Because, within patience comes relaxation, a chance to switch off and a chance to learn not to please.
I still feel the FOMO, but the FOMO is not enough to stop me from enjoying life, like watching a movie by myself, taking a shower while others are talking, leaving before the last people.
Learning to be more than enough
Learning that we are MORE than enough means learning where we are to respect ourselves. Not a lot of people speak about self-respect. I personally feel that when someone first spoke about it to me I was truly triggered. SO, I will say this is not for everyone.
I felt I was disrespecting myself when I needed to get more sleep, to do something by myself, felt I needed to go (not because someone else wanted but, because I felt like it. In fact with this FOMO, I was missing out. I felt I was lacking a LIFE… so I started creating the one I wanted because I was missing out on enjoying myself.
This meant, learning to say ‘YES’ to me and ‘NO’ to things (and situations) that no longer align with my beliefs.
Allowing myself to say NO to things that do not FEEL right… including internet time, events and when I am overworked.
Learning to release lack and bring in joy
In July 2019 – the day I let go of alcohol, I knew that I would need to slowly detach from people, places and everything I know to let go of the conditions I had formed.
What I craved was a REAL connection with people
What I craved was LOVE from myself
What I craved was a healthier life
However, I started to let go of the need for the feel of alcohol. I did slip away from groups and people as I took my mask off and started being me.
The mask had been part of some intense people pleasing, something that I am very aware of. I felt needy and needed to relearn how to please myself but most of all… I felt asked to become lonely.
Being alone is not being lonely
In 2020, as the world stopped, became the best time to
- Be alone
- Be Lonely
Being lonely is very different. One is chosen (and is scheduled in my diary) and the other is a need for connection. As I said ‘hello’ to loneliness and that feeling of being lonely, I was met with tears, desperation to pick up the phone and see what others are doing. But…
I felt a strong urge to keep going, to keep facing this void, shedding and letting go, shedding and letting go, shedding and letting go of this intense need to be connected to others with who I was not really connected to deep down. During this time I used flint stone to cut any cords and release myself.
Truly embodying the Hermit in Tarot.
Seeing to your needs first… put your gas mask on
It is not selfish but selfless to cultivate your own mindset. We can be crumbling and hiding everything under the banner of a ‘drinks with friends.’ Giving from a very empty cup, yet we keep giving, all while not leaving any reserves or chance to fill our own chalice.
When we say ‘NO’ we can be met with others childhood hurts and some will take it personally. Yet, we are saying YES to ourselves and starting the process of learning to top up our energies, created boundaries and receive all the love we have been dishing out.
It is OK to spend time by yourself and work through your own hurts when called to do so. It is OK to not have any outside influence on your decision. It is OK to say NO, because when we say YES to not hurt others feelings, then we only service to hurting our own in the process.
Did you feel those words?
What do we learn about ourselves when we choose ourselves?
To live
To deepen love with ourselves and others
To release many fears
To develop a greater awareness
And have JOMO…
The JOY of missing out… JOMO
Yes, we can learn to joyfully miss out and there is so much fun in that. As we develop an awareness of ourselves, we learn what we are saying YES to. Saying YES to ourselves is a must! And sometimes saying YES to certain things is saying a big fat NO to us. This can leave us feeling resentful. Have you felt that before?
With JOMO, we can create the life we want right now. The way we want to live it. This isn’t having to fit in, this is learning to truly belong in our own skin, with our kind of people. And my people are amazingly weird, just like me.
Where did I belong?
Having a balance of a peaceful and fun-filled life. It is alcohol-less, healthier in terms of foods, more offline meaningful connections…
Do I still go out? Errr yes!!! I still have fun and LOVE dancing…. but… I have learned that… I am happy to miss out too.
And if something is cancelled, plot twist!
For now, aspects of life are much clearer and better in the slow letting go of FOMO and adopting a JOMO life.
What about you? Have you ever felt FOMO?
Trina xx
Trina Kavanagh - Writer | Creative | Healer 