I would suggest you use a journal for this blog and write in your words. Read this blog with an open mind, because this post is intended with love and love alone.
As a speaker, coach or a leader, you will know that it is vital to say ‘YES’ to you, based on your needs and not that of others.
When we say ‘YES’ to someone elses agenda, it comes at a price. That price being your free will.
And there is resistance, that is felt and can lead to psychological stress, because it was not your choice.
Even more so, if you are deeply tuned into your body and how it works, the more you will know, that something does not resonate with you.
We have all made decisions based on another opinions and equally ones based on how we feel. Do you know what each feels like?
Making decisions based on someone else’s opinion is ok, we are HUMAN… If it is happening constantly, and you want to feel differently. Ask yourself… what can I do to remedy this in the future?
A woman I know did exactly that, she could feel it in her senses that something was not right with a deal she was making. It was her warning sign. Her inner alarm sounding. Her gut reaction.
Yet, she went ahead and it fell apart.
This amazing woman, just KNEW it wasn’t going to work. And she YES to someone else and NO to herself.
Like many of stories I have heard and mine too!
Many of us know what it feels like to say YES to someone else and NO to ourselves… and experience the lesson of it.
Ask yourself, for what reason am I saying YES, even though I know it isn’t for me?
I personally believe, from my own case… I wanted to grasp every opportunity and please everyone to detriment of myself. If I help more, I will bring more money in, I can prove I can do it (whatever IT is, to whoever it is), I will make someone proud of me or they will like me and I will feel loved… do you resonate with any of these?
Some are surface explanations and some hit a deeper level. I do not ignore emotions, I teach to LOVE those emotions because I believe they are connected to how safe we feel and if we feel truly safe… our body heals faster.
Yet, it’s about knowing what is our inner guidance, or someone else’s ethics (conditioning)… is it our parents? Our teachers? Societies? And so on. With the best will in the world, many people have good intentions, which may have come from how they have lived life, what they saw (were they hardships) or was it passed on from someone before them. And is that based on a survival narrative? Something that is told to keep us safe, but holds us back. This is something we learn in life.
And this flags up in our physicality… think about what you have just read. Can you feel where this conversation arises in your body?
We learn and we try again
Making a decision based on your inner soul brings a sense of relief, a weight lifted from the shoulders. If it brings guilt and shame, quickly check why? Again… ask… is it mine? And if not, who’s is it?
Here are a few questions for guidance
Besides the questions above.
Another thing to remember is, whatever someone thinks of us is… non of our business.
If you feel someone else will not be happy with your decision… ask… Is their life, my life?
Also ask… have those views served me or the world I live in over the years? Is it creating more inner joy or heightened drama in me?
And… Am I saying yes… because I do not want to aggravate the other person? How does this make me feel?
Then ask, would I put those views on my children, or would I want them to come to their own conclusions?
It is the hidden guilt (feeling you have done something bad) and/or shame (feeling you are a bad person) that feeds into cyclic behaviour patterns such as eating, sleeping, hormonal, movement all the way to internal stress that is linked to various physical problems in the body.
It is OK to hide these emotions, yet, it is more beneficial and rewarding to FEEL and recognise these are emotions (even if going to therapy is the way to do so). When saying NO to what doesn’t feel right and saying YES to you, these emotions may come to the surface for you to deal with. Again, ask the questions above and journal… REMEMBER: YOU ARE AMAZING! THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, LIKE WE ARE SOMETIMES TOLD!! WE ARE ALL HUMAN, LIVING A HUMAN EXISTANCE!
As a collective womanhood member (and blog reader) said recently… NO… is a complete sentence.
I feel… one we do not have to explain.
When was the last time you said YES to you and NO to someone else? And how did that feel?
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All photo credits go to Debra Webster at http://www.debsta.com