I felt it would be only fair to follow my triggered blog and blog 2 with this…
Through my own personal healing journey, I have identified my 4 stages of articulation in myself and wanted to share them with other spiritually connected career professionals and entrepreneurs. They range from wounded childlike states to empowered adult.
- Rage
- Tears/Tantrum
- Defensiveness/Silence
- Articulation
If you read my original blogs about triggering and being listened to, our triggers are something that is stirred within us. For me, the more I recognise the trigger the more I recognise what stage of articulatory reaction I am feeling. Over the years I have worked myself through each reaction and that has also helped me guide (and understand) my clients today. So, here I am sharing this with you.
Each stage is different and whenever we notice which stage we are in, there are things that we can do to help us come back to a happier state of mind, reduce the future triggers and move forward.
Stage 4 – Rage
Ah, good old rage. The stuff that literally comes up and out. This has no filter. It is a very quick reaction and the feeling rises from nowhere. A flip of a switch and booom! Rage is literally losing it, breaking things, snappy, screaming, shouting, trying to get your point across. The only thing with rage is that the more we try to get our point across the louder and more confusing our words become. Have you ever noticed that? It makes it difficult for people to actually hear us when all that we want is to be heard. Have you ever been in a conversation like this? How did the other person react? Did they truly listen? Sometimes they do, yet, many times they switch off.
Stage 3 – Tears/Tantrum
Have you ever just burst into tears because you are totally done with the shouting? Maybe you wanted something that you couldn’t have which led to those tears. Tears are different to rage… instead of shouting, screaming or losing it. Tears in this situation are to be heard and to achieve something. Tears for me are one of two things… firstly, a childlike tantrum to have another person give us what we need. This is a learning growing up. However, it can benefit us because we can get the love we want. The healing comes in recognising that it is that. This leads to my second point when our empowered adult kicks in and recognises it as a tantrum, calling the tantrum out. And instead of seeking this need from others, we allow the tears to flow and let go which helps us come back to love ourselves. The second part I feel is allowing ourselves to heal. In my own healing and that of my clients, if we recognise that we are playing the child, we have a chance to call ourselves out. The more we allow the tears to flow from a space of knowing that, then the sooner we understand we are not going to get our own way anymore, the calmer we feel about self-soothing ourselves. It takes a lot of awareness to understand when we are in that child phase. And the more we allow our empowered adult to step in, the more we move forward within the stages.
Stage 2 – Defensiveness/Silence
Not wanting to hear other peoples point of view… what do they know?? I know this already.
Yet, is there something we could learn?
This is when we do not want to hear, accept or acknowledge other peoples heart-based advice (remember, there’s a difference between heart-based and fear-based(not covered today)). We want to become healthier, happier, live freely. Yet, at the same time, we may do actions to make it all just go away. I found in this area we become dismissive, give silent treatment, crawl into a ball and make excuses based on keeping us safe. I feel either the need for healing and clearing of imposter syndrome can be seen here and/or a change in other belief’s it is stopping you from achieving your greatness.
Stage 1 – Articulation
My final stage was to finally not be affected and voice what I need. There are realisations… ‘ah, that’s why I do this,’ to ‘how do I change this moving forward?’. The first time we experience not getting triggered by something by being raged, cried or being defensive can be a godsend. I can even feel my mind thinking… but, please get triggered by something! In this stage, we are able to articulate our basic needs and be completely honest without beating ourselves up. In this stage, we feel heard, accepted and loved by ourselves and heard more by others. Some people still will not hear you, yet that is OK. In this stage, we can quickly work through a trigger if it pops up and identify what type of self-care is needed.
Can this help others?
Yes, my clients have worked through this exact set up helping them take action within each stage. We can also go from rage and if we grab a little space, come back and be able to articulate what we need to say.
The truth has a stinger…
Some triggers are that we cannot handle the truth. Do you remember the saying… the truth hurts?
Say we are not earning money… because we need to take action on our finances. Or, we want to become healthy… yet, that means we have to change a few things in our lives. Maybe, we need to study… yet, we are needlessly using our time elsewhere. The latter has been the biggest one for me and is in definite need of another blog. In each situation, we need to hear the truth and the truth stings.
This is when our triggers become alive and hop into action
Have you ever had a selective hearing?
Where we sometimes hear only what we want to hear because if we hear it then it feels like we are a failure or we haven’t done the things we had promised ourselves during that time.
This is not uncommon! And you are not alone!
It hurts, yet ignoring ourselves hurts even more. Ignoring advice we know we need to be actioning is a trauma response or a safety mechanism.
An example of the ones I have personally ignored… do you resonate?
- Overspending and being told to get my money in order – Who are they to tell me to get my money in order?? 😉 We hate the people telling us how to live our lives. Yet, our body may be anxious sorting money or even looking at it. Our chest and shoulders may be always tight. I know, I needed to love and care for my cash like one of my children. And because I didn’t listen… in the end my finances crashed and I had to rebuild my life. The best lesson I had ever learnt.
- If you carry on drinking, it’s going to affect your health – Do not tell me I drink too much! I am not an alcoholic… while the money (above) was being spent on alcohol and meals out. We may be always chasing our energy, in need of less distraction or even a need to let go of an underlying panic too. For me, those were all heightened under the spell of alcohol and it was all fun and games until a panic attack that led me to locking myself in a room. Our body speaks in the end.
If you feel you need deeper help with alcohol these see a GP, Alcoholics Anonymous, smart recovery and for money issues citizens advice.
While triggered, there was truth from the person with the trigger in those instances. Now, not all triggers from others are true. Yet, there’s still a little something in us that is upset by it. Did you notice in the examples that there were physical reactions? Our body is reacting.
In my case, it was anxiety, gut and money issues… it is ok to consult your body. It is trying to communicate with you. In my case I was scared, yet this was the pattern preventing me from allowing myself freedom.
Loving the finances like a child allowed for the feeling of anxiety to come up for healing
Letting go of alcohol brought money back into the household, extra energy that the body always wanted and helped navigate emotions easier.
Each stage needs… awareness
Is it time to objectively look at ourselves? Life isn’t perfect and neither are we. We are going to get things wrong and mess up. This is life.
And with each stage we go through awareness is needed.
This is not a case of beating ourselves up if we are in a rage… no. We are human, and there is nothing wrong with us. We are living a human existence. This is all part and parcel of it.
The more aware of how we work, the more we are able to understand what’s coming up within us.
And that is OK
It is a process, a simple one.
And it involves learning to be present with ourselves.
Go about your day, play, have fun on this journey called life and when something comes up… allow it to pass.
The more times it passes, the more times we get to be aware of what it feels like before, during and after the trigger.
The more we feel it, the more we are able to have our basic needs ready. Such as… pausing before reacting.
Switching off the noise to understand you
This is why I say…switch off all the noise and understand YOUR actual deep down truth, your replies. Not the truth of your mum, dad, even me etc. But your truth. It is your truth that you are learning to articulate here. Helping your words come out clear and empowered.
Switching of the noise from social media (as an example) allows you to process and listen to YOUR thoughts, your needs and be able to voice them as needed.
By lowering the noise you are able to give yourself the freedom to listen to your physical, psychological and spiritual self by unpacking what you have learnt enables you to voice yourself as you move forward.
And it is also listening through meditation, breathwork, sound or just being in the present moment that our awareness is strengthened.
As a reminder before you go… this is what I have identified, you may be different. That is the joy of being human.
Does this resonate with you?
Trina xx
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Trina Kavanagh - Writer | Creative | Healer 